They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
