I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
