i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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