Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize