I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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