I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
not ubering you a puppy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
