I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
