i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
