how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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