Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
