I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
