To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
