She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
