Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
