I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
