a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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