the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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