Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
