nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
