Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
