She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
