And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
