the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
