we have pet lesbian snakes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I believe in your delicious
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
