I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
