you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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