I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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