What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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