I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
