LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize