Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
