I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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