But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
