yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
