In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
