In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
