I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
