It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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