how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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