we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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