I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
