Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize