Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
