Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
