Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize