If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
