What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize