Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
