Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize