no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
