Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
