Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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