So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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