textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
