I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
