everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
