So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
