Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

And she used to have such long ones. Sad.

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(315): View more from New York

MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

(315): View more from New York

AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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(512): View more from Texas

$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Someone shattered a urinal.

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(+61): View more from Australia

i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!

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(703): View more from Virginia

The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week

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(707): View more from California

You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..

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