If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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