Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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