ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
