U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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