Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i will never coherently bang her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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