I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize