He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
