im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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