im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
