VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize