oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What a dumb baby whore.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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